Moss Motors, Ltd

An MG doesn't leak oil, it marks it's territory

The Lucas motto: Get Home Before Dark

Lucas the inventor of the intermittent wiper

The three position Lucas switch: Dim, Flicker, and Off

Did you hear the one about the guy who peeked into an MG and asked the owner"How can you tell one switch from another in the dark?" He said it doesn't matter which one you use nothing happens."

Why do the British drink warm beer? Because Lucas makes their refridgerators

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting "Oh Mighty Prince Of Darkness protect your unworthy servant"

To everyone at the Forum a Safe Happy and Wonderful Holiday.....

Cheers...Rita

---

Alive to drive British

BRAVO, Rita! You've made my night!

---

On their death bed, nobody ever said, "Gee I wish I'd spent more time at work!"

Rita, thanks for the chuckles. You might also like this reprint of an old E-Bay sale, it's a hoot, and the Q and A section is great.

Thanks to the British Columbia TR Registry for the link. http://www3.telus.net/bc_triumph_registry/smoke.htm

Have a Merry LBC Christmas (with lots of gifts from Moss under the tree I hope) and a Happy New Year.

---

'73 Midget (V6)
'59 MGA (I6) under construction

"There is a fine line between a hobby and mental illness"

Bill

That is by far the best piece of reading that I have had in some time! I plan on presenting it at our next club meeting in January, by then all of the members can use a good laugh, seeing that here in the Great White North we still have at least another 3 months of winter ahead!! Thanks for the early Christmas gift...Best wishes to you and yours....

Cheers...Rita

---

Alive to drive British

Folks,

Anyone, I repeat, ANYONE who thinks that British automobiles have bad electrical features and systems has very simply never ever owned a Fiat.

Anyone who thinks that British cars are bad oil leakers has simply GOT to follow a 356 Porsche for 50 miles.

The reason the English drink their beer at cellar temperature (not warm, thank you) is that their beer is worth tasting, unlike the watery crap from the big U.S. "refineries", the sole purpose of which is to fuel alchoholism.

All vehicles have their shortcomings. It never ceases to amaze me how joyfully folks pile onto the British car's weaknesses. Perhaps the humor is somewhat lost on me because I see on a day to day basis how most of the problems are brought on by ignorance rather than poor design. I include professionals in that ignorance. I could write a fairly long piece on how British cars got this undeserved singling out. Perhaps I will. Just not this day or this month.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year. etc... 

 

---

Motorbill
From Lola to Land Rover, If it's British and has wheels, it's likely I've bloodied me knuckles thereupon

Motorbill, I heartily agree, all cars have weaknesses and the British car's reputation for electrical problems in mostly undeserved. A lot of the myth probably stems from the early days when the cars were new in this country and most mechanics weren't familiar with their different styles of wiring and other things. From my limited experience it seems that european cars were designed for a higher level of owner maintenance than the US cars. We'd never heard of having to add oil to a carburator over here on a regular basis or only having two or four fuses in a vehicle, even in the early fifties most American cars had many more, and we thought British cars had problems. If ours didn't have problems why would the factory install so darn many fuses? Most of the problems I saw with customer cars back in the 60s were due to lack of maintenance, both American and European. Can't blame the manufacturer for that. Add the sludge problems from early lower detergent, high parafin oils and many cars suffered due to design items that shouldn't have ever been a problem with good maintenance. Ford OHV V8s and Chevy 6's used to have to add external rocker oil feed lines because of  the blockage of internal passages, while the Chevy V8 was fine with it's ball type rockers. The reputation for Chevy reliability was born in part because of bad oil and infrequent oil changes.

I don't know about the 356, but if you ever wanted an oil puddle on your garage floor you should have owned a Corvair. Getting a seal on the pushrod tubes was nearly impossible it seemed. Makes most British cars, even the early ones without full rear main seals look positively pristine underneath.

And you're correct, some beers are much better at higher temperatures, not ice cold as we seem to like it over here. Around 50 degrees F seems to work well for most european ales, stouts, and lagers I've found.

Still, I've heard that good humor has to contain a bit of truth in it to really be effective and the jokes about Lucas seem to have stood the test of time so there's at least a grain of truth somewhere underneath I'd guess. I know I've considered the parentage of some Lucas electrical engineers while tracing down an intermittant problem caused by a cracked female bullet connector at time or two.

 Merry Christmas to you and yours in beautiful Colorado. I guess you're used to having a white Christmas up there, it's a little rarer over here, but we might this year.

---

'73 Midget (V6)
'59 MGA (I6) under construction

"There is a fine line between a hobby and mental illness"

Bill

Sorry if I touched a raw nerve. No insult was ever meant to these wonderful cars...heck everyone on this Forum owns one or more and I personally would own a stable full if I could. I think it's wonderful to be able to see the short comings in the things we love and still love them even more Once again sorry for any misconstruded attempt at humor.

Rita

---

Alive to drive British

Rita,

Really, I'm not offended, dear. I'm sure you can understand that from my point of view, after holding up the standard and the flag for so many years, I get weary of what is a constant stream of this kind of stuff coming in my front door. I try to take most of it in stride and with a smile, but once in a while I have to admit that I start feeling hurt. When a guy devotes his life to something and then sees folks make fun of it he's bound to either occaisionally get injured or get his back up, ya know?

My viewpoint as a professional is that I would never have gotten involved with these cars, or stuck with them anyway, if I thought they were as bad as the "jokes" imply. I believe that if I were to walk into the showroom of a Porsche specialist and start tearing into the vehicles the way so many feel free to do with MGs and Triumphs, I would be greeted with icy stares and invited to leave. You are supposed to worship those cars, not accept them in spite of their faults. The same goes for a number of other imports and American cars also. If I started spouting my views out about Corvettes in a group of Chevy afficianados I would likely be threatened!! Yet, and I speak from experience, both these groups feel perfectly free to denounce English cars with absolute invective.

What I generally wind up saying to people who come into my place of business and insult my profession by way of the subjects thereof is that it's amazing how high a percentage of these cars have survived, and I wonder how that could be if they were really so awful.

Yeah, I can take a joke, and I can even take one at my expense, but twenty a day is too much to ask. I don't get nasty about it, I really don't. But.........the next guy who comes in here with that Lucas refridgerator line is going to be escorted out by the back of his collar and belt and a hearty heave ho.

Love, Bill

---

Motorbill
From Lola to Land Rover, If it's British and has wheels, it's likely I've bloodied me knuckles thereupon

You know it's interesting. I grew up with the standard jokes and comments about British wiring, so was not surprised when the wiper motor in my 1970 MGB stopped working and smoke started to pour out from under the dash, even though I had turned off the wiper switch. That's when I learnt' about the park switch. Of course this was in the middle of a major snowstorm and I was 100 miles from home.

But then I got myself a used Datsun 620 pickup for reliable transport, which was lovely till one night I smelt hot metal and almost welded my hand to the melting plastic fuse box. I then found out this was pretty normal for older Datsuns. Then the ignition switch in my 1965 Ford wagon blew apart, stranding me until I could hot wire around it.  After driving a pretty wide range of older cars it occurred to me that perhaps if a little maintenance was done, most of the electrical problems went away. But then we wouldn't have the cute jokes about why do the English drink warm beer? Would we.

The correct answer is to swat the person asking and yell at them that the British DON'T DRINK WARM BEER! They drink beer at cellar temperature, the way it is supposed to be enjoyed!

Have a merry xmas and a Sunny Solstice.

---

Kelvin Dodd
Global Sourcing Engineer
Moss Motors, Ltd.
Helpful Links:
Code of Conduct
FAQs

Disclaimer: Working on automobiles is inherently dangerous. Moss Motors, Ltd. is not liable for injury or damage due to incorrect installation or use of their products. All products are sold with the understanding that the safe and proper installation and use of the products is the customer’s responsibility. Follow factory workshop manual procedures and instructions, but use current shop safety standards and common sense. Some tasks will require professional advice or services which Moss Motors cannot provide.

If I may chime in here.

There are two things about me my that my friends and students know to be absolute, #1, I drink cellar chilled beer (yes I discuss this with the kids), #2 as an engineering type of guy, I maintain that the best design is always the simplest! ...enter Lucas.

I have poured over schematics for these tea burners and have come to an undeniable conclusion, the design of the electrical systems are straight forward and simple. They are pure. They perform the jobs that they are supposed to with no added fluff (engineering creep). Engineering creep is the result of engineers whom try to put too much into a design just because they can. These cars are thankfully void of that phenomena.  

The best engineering is the simplest engineering, and these cars are textbook examples of that! Their only problem is perhaps the Lucas purchasing department. I have found that the most common flaws occur in parts that were most likely made by other companies; switches and terminals specifically. I had designed wiring harnesses for 8 years. I had designed harnesses for everything from computer systems to vending machines and even a fish farm master control module to name a few, and there is one thing that I can tell you, the purchasing department will always try to find the cheapest wire terminal or switch that they can find! This seems to be the case with Lucas as well.

I'm not sure that Lucas products fail more often than others, I'm not a professional mechanic, but I AM sure that their wiring designs are spot-on!

Motorbill, I understand your angst. I too have devoted my efforts and talent to a profession that most folks just don't understand. I constantly get chided for having an "easy" job from people whom are obviously just ignorant. To these people I pay little mind. I find my gratification is in my graduates whom are all out there working in the trade, making a living, supporting families, and quite often contacting me to say thanks. 

Might I suggest that like water off a duck's back, let the comments of the ignorant flow. Take pride in the engines, trannies, cars, PEOPLE to whom you have returned autonomy! Keep a sense of humor though.

There is no light without dark and no hot sans cold. I must submit that by insulting these tea burners, we are only amplifying our joy there within. 

---

On their death bed, nobody ever said, "Gee I wish I'd spent more time at work!"

Rita....Cheers and a Safe, Happy and Wonderful Holiday Season back to you and yours.

Your post was great in spite of what some may have written in response. We all can benefit from a bit of humor in our lives and.....yes....even at our own expense at times.

To add to your collection of humor.....I once knew and old British Car Mechanic who, when someone would bring their car to him complaining about various oil leaks, would say: " If it ain't leaking a tad, laddie, it ain't lubin' "!

Of course, being the fine mechanic that he was, he wasn't really serious about the comment but, love to see the expression on a customers face when he would lay that tidbit on them.

Enjoy the Holiday Season and....to all....a good night!   

---

...one mustn't criticize other people on grounds where he can't stand perpendicular himself. - Mark Twain

If I may chime in, first of all, happy new year to everyone!

The main criticism of the elecrics in our cars is misplaced, I believe. The chief difficulty arises not necessarily from poor design or manufacture but as a result of age and exposure to harsh conditions that yield corrosion of connectors & breakdown of insulation etc.

...I do enjoy the Britcar and Lucas jokes though, and have learned to accept my fair share of Brit-bashing during my time as a legal alien. Owning a british car only serves to draw additional attention...

Ed

---

I want my MGB